Well, today will be my first major holiday with gastri bypass. It's sort of a weird moment. I don't feel like I will be missing out on much, really. I actually find that I rather hate eating. I have all of these expectations of how the food will taste and they are never fulfilled. Even if the expectation is fulfilled, I end up feeling to full or to sick. I'm not displeased. I just don't want to eat. It's like a chore for me.
So, I will sit down to Thanksgiving dinner with my family tonight and I will ponder what the past three months post op have done for me. They made me hate eating and lost me 50 pounds. Again, I'm not displeased.
I wish I could eat a hamburger or something and not have it hurt. I think that is my old self coming through. I just want to eat like that again, but still lose the weight. My eating is not difficult and as long as I behave myself I feel no discomfort. The joy has gone from eating. I no longer take immense joy in the feeling of food and the wondrous taste of it. Again, not complaining, but wishing I could still have that love affair.
Well, I guess I am complaining because I want food back, but I don't really. I'm much better off. I miss it like a bad boy lover. You know it isn't good for you, but it is sooooo goddamned good to taste. Now, nothing really tastes good. It's fuel and nothing more. I need to find my new joy. Maybe I ought to find it in writing again, as per the post above.
Any fiction written yet? No, but I've thought about it seriously. So seriously, in fact, my brow furrowed. No, seriously.
Thanksgiving -- bring on the turkey and the keyboard. There will be joy yet.
So, I will sit down to Thanksgiving dinner with my family tonight and I will ponder what the past three months post op have done for me. They made me hate eating and lost me 50 pounds. Again, I'm not displeased.
I wish I could eat a hamburger or something and not have it hurt. I think that is my old self coming through. I just want to eat like that again, but still lose the weight. My eating is not difficult and as long as I behave myself I feel no discomfort. The joy has gone from eating. I no longer take immense joy in the feeling of food and the wondrous taste of it. Again, not complaining, but wishing I could still have that love affair.
Well, I guess I am complaining because I want food back, but I don't really. I'm much better off. I miss it like a bad boy lover. You know it isn't good for you, but it is sooooo goddamned good to taste. Now, nothing really tastes good. It's fuel and nothing more. I need to find my new joy. Maybe I ought to find it in writing again, as per the post above.
Any fiction written yet? No, but I've thought about it seriously. So seriously, in fact, my brow furrowed. No, seriously.
Thanksgiving -- bring on the turkey and the keyboard. There will be joy yet.
Picture from Flickr creative Commons by riptheskull
Congratulations on making the hard decision to get a gastric bypass. I know food no longer is the bad boy lover you crave, but think how much better your life is now that you are losing weight and keeping it off. As someone who was advised to get a gastric band but didn't, I can tell you I also hate food. I wish I could live a foodless existence, surviving on nutrition pills or shakes, yet I keep shoving food into me. I don't know why, I hate everything about it and I can't stop.
ReplyDeleteI love the new template btw, and thanks for fixing the posting problem.